Dear Lucas (aka my sweet little threenager),
I would like to read you a bed time story. A bed time story inspired by Adam Mansbach’s book “Go The F**k To Sleep.”
Jasper has curled up in his blanket.
The house is as quiet as a mouse.
Let’s get you snug in your covers,
Its time to go the “F” to sleep.
I know it’s still light outside,
Daylight savings time is a real beast.
But… quit arguing with me Lucas
And go the “F” to sleep!
I gave you three kisses.
I gave you five hugs.
And a monster truck too!
Please? Pretty please, go the “F” to SLEEP?!
It’s now the third time you’ve gotten out of bed,
And no, I don’t believe you have to pee.
You’re stalling my love,
Dear sweet Jesus, please go the “F” to sleep.
Oh NOW what?!
Your leg hurts?
GET BACK IN BED AND GO THE “F” TO SLEEP!!!!
There’s NO WAY you’re still thirsty!
You’ve had 10 sips of water! I don’t want you to pee!
Stop crying! Stop yelling at me!
AND GO THE “F” TO SLEEP!!!!
I’m making YOU mad?
Again that’s BULLSHIT!
‘Cause you’re making me mad!
Take your feelings to the bedroom and GO THE “F” TO SLEEP!
It’s 9:45 Lucas.
It’s been almost two hours.
Daddy is taking me to the looney bin tomorrow
Because you just won’t “F-ing” SLEEP!!
Ok. You win. It’s ten o’clock.
I wave the white flag.
Mommy and Daddy want to leave town!
But… we still love you and will see this through, despite your epic smack down.
Wait! What’s that? A yawn?!
You mean it’s finally over?
Holy shit! Not a peep!
You FINALLY went the “F” to sleep!