Little Lord S#%t Pants

Parenting is hard. There are days that I just want to curl up into a ball and cry myself to sleep. But I survive. Sometimes even thrive.

And then I get bitch slapped in the face with potty training. I thought your first baby was supposed to come with a “how to” manual?

I hear that boys are harder to potty train than girls. I wouldn’t know as I only have one son. So, even though I don’t have anything to compare to, I’d still have to say that potty training Lucas has been challenging. Like everything else he has done, it’s been on his own terms.

Lucas started showing interest in using the potty at about two years and four months old. And when I say interest, I mean standing in front of me watching me potty with a big smile on his face (actually, I’m pretty sure that started way before that.) Man do I miss taking a piss without an audience.

So we decided to capitalize on his interest and we bought him a Mickey Mouse training potty. The extent of that interest consisted of sitting on the potty before his bath and pretend flushing the handle shaped just like Mickey’s hand so he could hear Mickey say “Hip Hip Hooray!!” about a thousand times.

One step forward, two steps back.

A few months went by and we decided to get serious. If Lucas was potty trained by June, we could sign him up for the summer swim program at his school. So, we went out and bought his first set of underwear!

We have renewed excitement! Whoo hoo! Mom scores! Then, a few days later, Lucas basically told me to shove that underwear right up my… you get the idea.

One step forward, another two steps back.

Another month goes by and we get serious… again. This time we had reinforcements – Lucas’ school teachers. We finally all get on the same page. Why is it that children are perfect angels and mind well for everyone else but their own parents? It’s a conspiracy. Has to be.

Whad’ya know! We make progress! Of course, it took about a thousand stickers on a training chart, a surprise bag and about 10,000 hot wheels. But, success!! The kid pees in the potty!!

So the story should end right? Ha! The jokes on you Mommy! Now we start working on pooping in the potty.

We are now at a point where Lucas is going to the potty no problem. Yet he’s in pull-ups because he refuses to poop in the potty and when we have him in underwear he’ll hold it… FOR DAYS. And then one morning his butt has literally exploded.

Apparently poop anxiety is a real thing. Seriously? Why would anyone get anxious about pooping? But, pooping on the toilet can be scary for kids. Think about it. You’ve spent the first couple years of your life having poop squished up against your butt and now all of a sudden you’re expected to let that poop just free fall into the abyss and then that abyss comes up and spanks you with water? Heck yea that’s super scary!

However, after a little internet research, because we all know that the internet is the best resource, I did happen to find some good advice.

1. Don’t get angry. He doesn’t quite understand that he’s doing something wrong when that’s all he knows.
2. Don’t make him sit on the potty and try. Making him push can cause some serious damage to that little behind.
3. Say “bye bye poopie.” Get him used to seeing the poop go down the toilet by flushing the poop from his pull-up.
4. Be patient. Hardest one of all.

We are slowly making progress. Lucas has learned how to poop on the floor so Daddy can step in it. Man I love this little toddler of mine.